I just read this in a quote by Steven King and it made me think a little bit. It made me think back to all the things or situations where I avoided saying something important and meaningful to someone. The things that meant the most to me but I was afraid of someone else’s perception of me. You know those moments where you felt like the situation was immense and way too big for you. You were afraid of the reaction.

Whether it’s simply voicing your opinion or getting your true feelings off your chest, revealing oneself can be a difficult thing to contend with. The thought of rejection and humiliation can be too much for a person to deal with especially in a moment of weakness.

The entire quote:

“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings – words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out.”

If you’ve ever been in a moment where you felt like no matter what you say to someone your true feelings could never be truly understood then you can understand what King meant by, “words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out.”

Think about that for a moment. How many times have you wanted someone to know how you felt about them but didn’t have the words to define your true sentiment. Or you just got so nervous that you weren’t even sure if you really made any sense at all. Now compile that moment with that person having a less-than-desirable response. It can hurt A LOT. We’ve all been there and know it’s not fun.

If there’s one thing age is good for, it definitely makes you wiser, but it also makes you more tolerant of how people perceive you. After a while, you really don’t give a shit. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gained a confidence that definitely wasn’t there when I was a teenager or even in my early 20′s.

I’ve always had confidence in my abilities and my talents but I was extremely conscience of how others perceived me. If I could send a message to my youthful self it would be to, “Just let it all hang out, bro! Rock out with your cock out, hold nothing back, and enjoy the ride.”

I look back to moments when I put myself out there, was rejected, and in this space and time it has no affect on me. If anything, those rejections made me a stronger and more presumptuous. The truth is, within time, you’re going to forget it all anyway.

My message: Don’t be afraid of rejection so much so that you would let it interfere with letting someone know how you feel about them. This includes family members, friends, love interests, etc. I’d be more afraid of of not knowing what would happen if I didn’t tell someone how I felt.

Hell, I recently put myself out there and I feel a lot better for it. That person knows how I feel about them and what I think about them. I went out on a limb. I feel better about that than if I had kept those thoughts and feelings to myself. Something may or may not come of it but at least the proposition is out there and declared to them.

Say what you need to say and let the rest iron itself out later. Life is way too short to hold back and every once and a while you might just be surprised at the outcome.

Related posts:

1. Dear Elijah… A Letter to My Unborn Son.
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I’m also in school and it’s going pretty well. I started off going for a software engineering degree but because of the time constraint (not wanting to be in school for the next three years), I decided to stick to a business management course. Then after getting my BA in Business Management I can go for my masters in Information Technology Management which is where I want to concentrate on eventually.

I’ve also been working on a lot of pretty cool projects with a few friends that I hope will pay off soon and provide an avenue to expand myself on a professional level. These projects may soon be released and talked about here. For now, they’re under wraps.

Anyway, I’m excited about the future and some of the things I’m looking forward to accomplishing. I’m looking forward to watching my son grow and become a little boy. Stay tuned and drop some comments or friend me on Facebook.

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1. Dear Elijah… A Letter to My Unborn Son.
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To simply put this: meeting him was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I simply didn’t know how to react. It wasn’t anything I ever expected and seeing this little person opened my eyes and my heart to a new experience and a new love. I don’t have the words to really convey my love and affection for Elijah, my son, on a blog or a piece of paper or how to even express it verbally. I’m still baffled and haven’t really let it all sink in.

This is ultimately not the situation I expected to be in with him and his mother; apart and broken. The feeling of loss and everything else all rolled into one place has me so confused and distraught. I have tried to mend fences with his mother many times and have finally come to the conclusion that her heart is no longer interested in a family with me.

When do you stop and let it all go? As a man trying to mend his family, where do you throw in the towel. After the woman you love and have given your heart to says “there is no future for us,” that obviously doesn’t leave me many options.

At this point I’m taking a break from the blog. Why? I’m afraid of what I might say. And who knows I may end up having a lot to say in the coming months. More than I expected. But for right now, I gotta chill.

The motto for my blog is “Switching gears in life” and that ultimately is where I’m at. I followed a care free path for a long time but now it’s obvious that I have no other option but to change gears and take responsibility for my little man. My little son. He is my light right now. He is what I think about when I’m down, sad and alone. He needs my strength and courage to do what’s right and provide for him as much as I possibly can.

I love you son.

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1. Dear Elijah… A Letter to My Unborn Son.
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3. What’s the Happenings?

First off, I’m so proud to be your dad and I can’t wait to see your face and meet you. I have tried very hard to be there while you were growing in your mommas belly but the circumstances have not allowed me that privilege. I really hope you can understand that later in life when you can make your own judgments. You yourself will see my heart and how much I care about you and your mom.

I want you to know that I love you and no matter what hardships your mother and I go through, you mean the world to me. No one can take my feelings for you away from me. I wish things could have been different and the three of us – your mom, you and I – could have been a family but that was taken from me. I just wanted a happy family to raise you.

Son, you are my heart. You are the center of my life and I miss you so much. I didn’t get to see you grow and that has hurt me very deeply. That has tortured me to the point of crying and not being able to sleep. I miss rubbing lotion on your mommas belly every night and getting to see you move and kick. I wish I could hear your heart beat. I just wish I could feel you for a second of my life. Just a small kick or a small bump. I miss you so much…

Even without you being a complete person yet, I can’t believe how much I care about you. You’re so small and don’t know the complications of life yet. You won’t understand things for a really long time but I hope your mom and I can make everything comfortable for you as you grow up. I hope you know that I have tried for you and I have loved every step of your life. I will always care about what you go through and are dealing with. I’m always there for you, son.

When things seem hard and so complicated, I’m there for you no matter what. These are the things I have not been privileged to yet but want to offer to you as a dad and a friend. I want to be your “rock.” When your so down and need someone to love you and understand you, I will be there. I’m attached to you forever. I’m forever your man of understanding and unconditional love. I look forward to seeing you grow and becoming a person of your own. Watching you be a man of your own and having a son of your own that you can raise like I raised you.

I can’t wait to see you and meet you. I can’t wait to take you fishing, hunting and camping. I can’t wait to see your face when you catch your first baseball or football or score your first basket. I can’t wait till you grow up and experience the pleasures of being a father and a man. I will be there by your side through it all.

I will be your dad no matter what and when it matters the most, I love you and will be there for you.

Through all my recent hardships I have the thought of you to keep me going on. You are my “rock” like I wish to be yours.

Your dad,

Robert B. Yardman

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Lately my fiancée, Kacy and I have been busier than usual. Me with trying to get a handle on WordPress and rope in some new clientèle. Along with that I’m expanding my role at work as a programmer first and foremost and a designer/developer second. There’s a lot of pressure in that and not so easy to cut off sometimes. Kacy has been pretty busy herself. Her work schedule has become somewhat hectic and she’s had to work her normal off days. She’s also spent some time hanging out with family while I do my usual nerd stuff.

Tonight, we’ve decided to forget about the rest of the world and spend some time together. It’s going to be nice to just kick back and relax with eachother. Laugh a little and cuddle a lot.

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