To simply put this: meeting him was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I simply didn’t know how to react. It wasn’t anything I ever expected and seeing this little person opened my eyes and my heart to a new experience and a new love. I don’t have the words to really convey my love and affection for Elijah, my son, on a blog or a piece of paper or how to even express it verbally. I’m still baffled and haven’t really let it all sink in.

This is ultimately not the situation I expected to be in with him and his mother; apart and broken. The feeling of loss and everything else all rolled into one place has me so confused and distraught. I have tried to mend fences with his mother many times and have finally come to the conclusion that her heart is no longer interested in a family with me.

When do you stop and let it all go? As a man trying to mend his family, where do you throw in the towel. After the woman you love and have given your heart to says “there is no future for us,” that obviously doesn’t leave me many options.

At this point I’m taking a break from the blog. Why? I’m afraid of what I might say. And who knows I may end up having a lot to say in the coming months. More than I expected. But for right now, I gotta chill.

The motto for my blog is “Switching gears in life” and that ultimately is where I’m at. I followed a care free path for a long time but now it’s obvious that I have no other option but to change gears and take responsibility for my little man. My little son. He is my light right now. He is what I think about when I’m down, sad and alone. He needs my strength and courage to do what’s right and provide for him as much as I possibly can.

I love you son.

Related Posts

1. Dear Elijah… A Letter to My Unborn Son.